24 oct 2000 | back | archive | forward | girl | sign | e-mail

by the time i am through, i will have a rainbow of fabric in my closet. yards of taffeta and satin, silk and tulle--and shoes dyed to match. the dresses date back to the 80s, when i was a flower girl in uncle boy's wedding. i wore cream. the motif for noemi's wedding was old rose and auntie ning-ning's wedding was peach. marigold, olga; lavendar, melissa; navy, the other melissa. tom's wedding was emerald green, just in time for the holidays. katy's was a bouquet of shades, pinks and blues for summer. this coming april we complete the rainbow with perwinkle blue, the color of springtime skies.

people think i'm exaggerating when i say i've done this before but, really. i've done this before. i've seen the bows, the buttons, the rosettes. the a-line, the box pleats, the flowy chiffon. the strapless, the backless, the plunging necklines and off-the-shoulder sleeves.

each time i step into a dress i am prepared for the worst. this way i can be pleasantly surprised when the dress two sizes too small actually fits and i don't look like a big chiffon cake. admittedly, the styles are much more simple and sleek than before, and the prospect of wearing it again is actually a possibility. a slim chance, but still.

i'd forgotten how exhausting it can be to find the perfect dress but was quickly reminded sunday. luckily, it didn't take long to choose the one for carrie's wedding. i wasn't really particular--all dresses were fine, none were frightening, all fit fairly well--and i have to confess when they were taking the vote i was actually more interested in two young girls playing fashion show.

i watched how they made a catwalk of the fitting room, taking long strides in and out. they ducked under the black velvet curtain and emerged someone new each time: a blushing bride. a prom queen. a disco diva. they paused in front of the mirror and posed, with wide eyes and a parade smile.

they were little princesses playing dress up, and i wanted to play, too. i wanted to slip on the ridiculous red dress that reminded me of charro and the dark blue shimmery one that resembled a starry night and the classy black one that was so breakfast at tiffany's. it looked so much more fun.


self portrait in hallway, but i forgot to to turn off the flash.

halloween candy overflowing, autumn breeze blowing, weekend plans looming. tonight i leave for new york.

i need to stop worrying so much.

i can see how dancer in the dark might seem quirky and strange, depressing and overwhelming, but still, i thought it was wonderful.

me: you are my star, bright and shiny.
ani: you are my big warm jacket.

i really didn't expect said.diaryland.com to be so successful. but being an open community, the site becomes what the people make it. recently, people have been messing with the design and deleting entires, which is my cue to stop the project. in fact, by the time you click that link, the site may be already gone.

i am one moody girl.