06 january 2000 | back | archive | forward

i will never forget the day i disappeared. it is a string of fragmented memories but vivid enough to remember how i felt. lost. confused. panicked. abandoned.

"where's christine?" they asked one another.

"i can't find her."
"i don't know."
"she's gone."

"i'm right here," i told them. they saw me, but pretended not to. they were conspiring against me. it was just a game.

they feigned concern, looking everywhere: behind the curtains, under the sofa cushions, inside the fireplace. winking, perhaps, nudging and giggling.

"i am right here," i said, tear-stricken, over and over again. jumping up and down. waving my arms. looking straight at them.

until they found me, finally. they rejoiced, clapped, hurrahed. laughter. grins. hugs.

and me, just standing there, wondering what the hell took them so long.

fragments turned 51 today.

french fries and cherry coke. african violets. sixpence none the richer.

i am so sick of weddings, but i'm trying not to be. i am, after all, the maid of honor in melysa's wedding next month, and i have oh so much to do.

you can find me here if you look hard enough.

"it's the chinese character for courage, which i need a lot of right now." -- in the ladies room.

blah blah blah e-mail blah blah guestbook.