03 oct 2000 | back | archive | forward | girl | sign | e-mail

twenty-five is a very round number. it's a perfect square. a shiny quarter. a silver wedding anniversary. my mom was 25 when she got married and had her first son. i will be 25 in a month and a half, and i just don't see it. i don't see marriage, i don't see children, i don't even see past my own front door. what's out there, and have i stopped looking?

the questions get tiresome. nobody is giving me pressure, but myself. my parents never ask when i'm getting married, much less if i'm dating someone. i'm not saying i want them to; i actually like that they don't. they've never pressured me into growing up too quickly, and i am glad about that.

i see the way it changes when they've settled down. they sleep at 11pm. they fight over things like where to spend thanksgiving and what color to paint the bathroom wall. they never go out to the movies or dinner, anymore.

i sit in the living room in my starlight pajamas with my hair pulled back in a ponytail, and watch dawson's creek and felicity. i meet friends for drinks and dinner on a moment's notice. i play video games and eat gummy bears. i dodge bouquets at wedding receptions. i fly to the other side of the country just because i can.

still, sometimes i have to remind myself that 25 is just a number. it's as good as 28 and 32 and 18. it's what i do with the time that's important.

two new cds: radiohead kid a and mojave 3 out of tune. see diversions for more!

i'm getting sick of pink.

mr. jack saturn has redesigned. again. but of course it's worth mentioning.

"try not to worry about it too much. that always complicates things." -- advice from a friend.

i wish all flowers smelled good.

i am one moody girl.