27 september 1999 | back | archive | forward

they say it changes everything, and they're right.

at first it made me bitter, that she didn't seem to miss me or our companionship. that she would say she'd call yet days would pass without even a word. that she would change plans at the last minute because something else came up, something more important with someone more important. him. her husband.

i didn't understand. and i still don't understand, because i can't possibly.

my life revolves around my own wants and needs, nobody else's. it consists of long days at the job and late nights dancing, smiling shyly at boys and hoping nervously that they'll call. it's filled with plans further than the greater los angeles area and larger than even i could ever imagine. and it's lit with the hope that someday i will be as lucky as she, to find someone who means that much to me.

her life is her husband, the home they must create and the family they'll someday have.

i can't even think about such things, and, honestly, i don't want to.

i'm sure if i had someone with whom to share my life, i would do the same. but i don't. that's the difference.

as cheesy as i think guestbooks are, boy am i glad i have one. reading the gracious things people have said makes me glow, inside and out.

my eyes are sore, but still, i am here.

i'm not sure if i like diaryland, but it's there, if you want to visit.

"long-distance friendships are like big boobs. as time goes by they're harder to keep up."
--hallmark greeting card, $1.85 + tax.

we keep forgetting to ask the landlord to turn on the pilot light. please remind me.