13 sept 2000 | back | archive | forward | girl | sign | e-mail

i am disillusioned with internet communication right now. this explains why if you have e-mailed me within the past few weeks i have not yet gotten back to you, or why when i finally have gotten back to you it's been far from charming, witty or clever (which i sometimes can be, honest). i just can't seem to get myself to sit at my computer long enough--outside of work, of course, when i am chained to my desk and glued to my computer.

for some reason, the song 'video killed the radio star' comes to mind. i keep thinking a part of life is dying with the advent of electronic mail and instant messaging. i will be the first to admit: i love that i can shoot off an e-mail to anyone and i can receive a reply within seconds, or that i can discuss design with my brother in seattle while i share secrets with maura in philly. love. but i miss getting long letters in the mail. i miss surprise phone calls at 2am. i miss sitting in my bedroom a day or two after a date, waiting for the boy to call. i miss seeing the familiar scrawl of my friend karen and the extravagant envelopes rusty used to make by hand. hell, i miss ringing up tonia to tell her to meet me at starbucks in 5 minutes and then making gossip and giggles at the corner table. instantly.

we laughed at the jetsons when judy threw on her face real quick before answering the television-phone or thought how cool it would be to be able to speak into our wrist watches, but now it is more than just a quirky cartoon. it's reality. it's our reality, and i don't know how i like being someone who has a computer, a telephone and a cellphone, and still wants a laptop, a palm pilot and a digital camera. or that i am never motivated to pick up a pen and paper and when i do handwrite something end up getting tired so easily. or that i am still afraid to say things to people when they are right in front of me, because i can just slip them little notes via e-mail or find them on AIM later on.

i want more rambling conversation and stumbling over words and awkward silence, because they are natural and beautiful and real. those are the moments that i remember years later. at least, they're the ones i want to remember.

i forgot to mention that i spent last saturday with the lovely kylie and that yesterday was beth's 21st birthday.

i kept thinking today was thursday.

a cure to writer's block. (you'll need flash to view it.)

"everyone's an advice columnist who doesn't read their own column."

it's good to know i can still make wise decisions.

i am one moody girl.