23 june 2000 | back | archive | forward | girl | sign | e-mail

i was going to be nice and shut my trap. i was going to sit in the corner, shake my head in disapproval and disbelief and let people act like idiots. because who am i to say anything? i'd think. who am i to judge?


you don't sling accusations and insults to someone minding his/her own business. you do not hurt people who don't deserve to be hurt. you just don't. you don't fuck with my friends. you don't insult my family. you don't speak down to people who never asked for anything in return. you don't point out everything wrong unless you are doing something to make it right. there is an incident that i am thinking of, in particular, but it doesn't even need to be mentioned. it happens all the time.

and who the hell are you?

it makes me sicksicksick to hear the cruel and thoughtless things said about people i care about and people i don't even know. it makes me so frustrated to see all the wasted space on name-calling and not enough time trying to do something worthwhile, something intelligent or beautiful or silly. and it makes me so absolutely insanely angry when i hear how my favorite people are being treated like dirt, like less than dirt, like the filmy, grimey gunk at the bottom of a drain, for no good reason at all. they deserve better.

and you will ask me, who the hell am i? you will tell me that i am just as self-absorbed and thoughtless, perhaps. that i waste just as much space. that i am not perfect.

and i will only laugh, because it's not even open for discussion. i know i'm not perfect. but i also know i care about people. i know i have a positive effect on others. or at least i know i try. i also know that i screw up, because i am human and thank God for that, otherwise i'd be so ashamed of making the mistakes i do. but i try.

what do you do?

(of course, even when i try, i can't be upset too long. it's not even anything as mature as being "above it all." i'm just too lazy. it takes so much energy being angry. which is why generally i am a pretty nice girl.)

today is dawnie's birthday. she is 25. she is a princess. happy birthday, girl.

it's not like i never waste things.

open letters has taken a new spin on web and print publishing. i know i'm subscribing.

"It's those wide-open spaces that scare me the most. The possibility of things lurking behind trees." -- lisa.

even my friends who drive me totally crazy, i know they are trying. and that means something.

i'm feeling:
The current mood of christine@maganda.org at