23 june 2000 |
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i was going to be nice and shut my trap. i was going to sit in the corner,
shake my head in disapproval and disbelief and let people act like idiots.
because who am i to say anything? i'd think. who am i to
you don't sling accusations and insults to someone minding his/her own
business. you do not hurt people who don't deserve to be hurt. you just
don't. you don't fuck with my friends. you don't insult my family. you
don't speak down to people who never asked for anything in return. you
don't point out everything wrong unless you are doing something to make it
right. there is an incident that i am thinking of, in particular, but it
doesn't even need to be mentioned. it happens all the time.
and who the hell are you?
it makes me sicksicksick to hear the cruel and thoughtless things said
about people i care about and people i don't even know. it makes me so
frustrated to see all the wasted space on name-calling and not enough time
trying to do something worthwhile, something intelligent or beautiful or
silly. and it makes me so absolutely insanely angry when i hear how
my favorite people are being treated like dirt, like less than dirt, like
the filmy, grimey gunk at the bottom of a drain, for no good reason at all.
they deserve better.
and you will ask me, who the hell am i? you will tell me that i am just as
self-absorbed and thoughtless, perhaps. that i waste just as much space.
that i am not perfect.
and i will only laugh, because it's not even open for discussion. i know
i'm not perfect. but i also know i care about people. i know i have a positive effect on
others. or at least i know i try. i also know that i screw up, because i am
human and thank God for that, otherwise i'd be so ashamed of making the
mistakes i do. but i try.
what do you do?
(of course, even when i try, i can't be upset too
long. it's not even anything as mature as being "above it all." i'm just
too lazy. it takes so much energy being angry. which is why generally i am
a pretty nice girl.)
today is dawnie's birthday. she is 25. she is a princess. happy
it's not like i never waste things.
letters has taken a new spin on web and print publishing. i know i'm
"It's those wide-open spaces
that scare me the most. The
possibility of things lurking
behind trees." -- lisa.
even my friends who drive me totally crazy, i know they are trying. and
that means something.