28 april 2000 | back | archive | forward | girl | sign | e-mail

Friday, April 28, 2000
If you don't like a situation but you fully understand why you do not like it, you can at least reach some sort of a conclusion about where you stand. How though, can you do that when you are not sure how you feel or what you think? Your opinions keep changing. Your ideas keep altering. That's making it hard for you to plan and hard too, for you to enjoy yourself. Try working on the assumption, this weekend, that all is fine. Then refuse, for anything less than dramatic proof to the contrary, to consider any other verdict!

"you are on the cusp," he said.

"yes, but i never check scorpio," i told him.

"astrology's full of shit, anyway."

"yeah," i said. but sometimes, sometimes it is eerily right.


"i should just go to new york, already," i told paul. i have been saying this since i was 16, when my dream was to steal jane pratt's job as editor of sassy.

"do you have a boyfriend?" he asked.


"well then why are you still here?"


i've never been one to pick mottos or mantras, but there is this phrase that keeps repeating itself in my head and wanting to force itself (but i've been fighting the urge) at the end of everything i write. it goes: "at least it will make a good story."

it sounds a bit trite, especially if you tack it at the end of a story about, say, your dog who's on its deathbed at the vet hospital, but somehow it has been so comforting to me. it has kept me sane.

pigtails. just in time for summer.

i just need a sign.

this girl andrea is my new hero (forgive the obvious pun), and i know she'll be yours too.

"i watched you tonight. i memorized how you moved. i noted how your hands slightly accentuated your words as you talked. i made a mental note of how your sweater hung from your body just right and how your eyelashes brushed your cheeks as you blinked." -- yana.

everything is so cyclical it's embarrassing.