there's this scene in mary poppins, maybe you know it. it's the "i love to laugh" scene where they are trying to get the floating uncle to come back down to the ground. every time he thinks of something funny, he flit-fleet-floats right back up to the top of the room. the only way to get down is if he thinks of something sad. pretty soon, everyone -- michael, jane and burt -- is in the air, hahaha-ing away. mary poppins, however, insists they come down. but it's so hard. it's not easy to force an emotion, especially one that requires such horrid displays as frowning and tears. but it's necessary. they can't very well float through the world, can they? what goes up must-- well, you know.

for some reason i have felt the need to cry. not that anything horrible has really happened (in fact, things are quite good). i just want to.

every time something slightly uncomfortable arises, i focus on the minute discomfort or pain. with each sad story i hear throughout the day, i imagine what my life would be like if it were my own tragedy. i crank up the melancholy melodies and let them bring back bad memories. and i just sit here, like an utter fool, concentrating really hard and try to force tears out of my dry eyes.

it's not that i want to be miserable. it's just that i want to let go of some things. i have all this emotion right now, bumbling about.

people want it to rain because, after it does, the sun comes out. nevermind the fact that we live in southern california, and it never frickin' rains.