16 january 2000 | back | archive | forward

it was the first plant i'd tried to grow since i was a little girl. back then i had nothing else to do but watch the sprouting flower. "when will it grow, mommy? when will the flower grow?"

"not yet, hija," she'd say. "give it time."

then burst the bloom of pretty pink that lasted the whole summer. and a little girl, proud with her accomplishment.

two plants i tried to keep in my bedroom since i'd moved in. but each time, a lack of water and a lack of light. each time, a wilted plant with crunchy, dried up leaves and soil. each time, the knowledge that i could not even spend a moment to take care of something other than myself.

the african violets were my salvation. a christmas gift in a beautifully painted pot sitting on my desk at work. water it from the bottom. keep your lamp on. feed it each week. every morning i come to work and they smile at me. you're doing okay, they say. you're getting better at this.

so tonight, i thought, i would try again. i carried the aqua ceramic pot to the bathroom sink. i tore open the bag of soil and poured it in, leaving a quarter of a cup. i followed it with warm water, just enough to moisten the soil. and then carefully dropped the seeds, one, two, three and four, with room to grow. i topped it with an inch-layer of soil, gently covered it with saran wrap and lightly set it on the table, within arm's reach of indirect light.

and then i left it there. to grow.

sleep. lots of it. that's why i love weekends.

i've missed my mother's phone calls. twice.

i've been meaning to show this to you. just in case, you know, you're wondering how this all started.

"if you smile," he said, "the camera steals your soul."

happy martin luther king jr. birthday day. i have to work, unlike you lucky bastards.

blah blah blah guestbook blah blah e-mail blah blah.