13 oct 2000 | back | archive | forward | girl | sign | e-mail

i am so utterly brilliant in my mind; unfortunately, most of the brilliance is trapped beneath a pile of insecurity. when i open my mouth something else comes out. or, sometimes, nothing at all.

i'll be in a meeting, and instead of contributing something sound and worthwhile, i blurt out something completely irrelevant. or i'll be sitting beside a cute boy, with a million sweet things to say shooting through my brain, but instead i sit there silent. or i'll be writing an e-mail, typing more quickly than i can even think, and i end up filling the blanks with a whole lot of nothing.

the charm always comes to me the moment after i step out of the conference room, after we say goodnight, after i click send. i know i say that awkwardness is lovely and it really can be, but sometimes it's just frustrating. sometimes i wish i could be that girl in the movies, you know, the one who lights up a room and cuts silence with her sharpness and saunters around all gracefully. but i suppose if she were walking around this earth instead of across the screen, she'd make silly remarks and shoot shy glances just like i do.


driving home wednesday, i noticed the clouds were pink, like cotton candy.

fridays. chocolate. toys. coffee. laughter. iZone photos. you.

it sounded funny at the time.

for specific instructions on how to win my heart, read my girlboy list. although, darlings, you know i already adore you.

"gravity, along with everything else, is weighing me down." --annie.

nothing bad ever happens on friday the 13th.

i am one moody girl.