17 october 1999 | back | archive | forward

i always feel more grounded when i come to my parents' house, when i come home for the weekend. like just seeing my dad's saintly smile and hearing my mom's lyrical laughter brings peace to my life. or being able to pay less than $1.30 at the arco gas station down the street and grab a decent cup of coffee at the hub reminds me there's still some order in the world around me. it's comforting to know that there is still a place to come back to, a bed to crawl into, arms to fall into, if i need it. and i did. for some reason if just for a 36-hour period i felt as if my whole life were one big disruption. i wondered if everything i'd been living was a mistake. for no reason. i just didn't know if i could trust the air i was breathing or the ground beneath me. it was that doubt; never underestimate the power of doubt. it takes a lot of strength, however, to overcome the wondering, to do away with the fear, to let go of it all, no matter what they say and how you feel, and just live.

a new hair cut. freshly fried lumpia (they're filipino eggrolls). everything corduroy.

i keep forgetting to take my vitamins.

so we had an earthquake. saturday morning before 3 a.m., a 7.0 centered100 miles east of LA. i was sleeping, and i refused to get up. "it'll stop soon," i thought. "yes, it will, and then i can go back to sleep." i am such the jaded southern californian.

"you never can tell with women." -- he said, with confidence.

tagalog is the filipino national language, now stop asking.

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