21 april 2000 | back | archive | forward | girl | sign | e-mail

dearest Insecurity,
i can say with absolute certainty that i hate you. i hate you from the depths of my soul. i hate you like i have never hated anyone before. you make me feel like i will never be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, funny enough. you make me wonder what they are saying about me. you make me think it can only be bad.

now will you please go the hell away?

as for you, Wonder, my love, it's true, you make things exciting, sometimes. a little intrigue is always good for a thrill. but your whatifs are always weighing down on my shoulders and making my heart so heavy.

yes, i'm sorry. it's over between us, as well.

last but not least, sweet Melodrama, i don't know why you insist on lingering. you exaggerate everything to no end so that i don't know what is really real, anymore. i can't appreciate true moments when i am riding this rollercoaster with you. don't you see? not everything is such a big deal.

so get over it, and move on. please.

i am leaving you. all of you. i have wasted too much time and too much energy, and i have had enough. life is too precious to bother with the likes of you.

so yes, this is good bye. i wish you all a wonderful life, and hopefully i won't be seeing you around. ever again.

good riddance,

my friend, carrie, gave me some of the best advice i've gotten in a long time. and it worked! she totally rocks.

the last three times i've gone to wholefoods for lunch, i've been stuck with the crazy sandwich lady who doesn't know how to make a sandwich. she slathers on mustard, sticks the tomatoes close to the bread and smashes it together when she's all done. and yesterday, when she forgot to put in cucumbers, she did not lift off the slice of bread and gingerly lay it down on top of the lettuce. nooo. she just stuffed it in there, poking, shoving it in. the sandwich-making process is very delicate, and she obviously does not understand.

needless to say i lost my appetite.

everybody's doing this voicemail thing. so i figured, why not? it's free. i like free things. wanna call me? my number is 888-561-3102 x1108.

"i hate those happy fucking people." -- my most favorite quotable person.

so there are, like, three weeks until the webbys. of course i am going to san francisco for the big shindig. come cheer me on! or vote for me! or the other fabulous nominees! you're excited like i am, i know you are.