17 april 2000 | back | archive | forward | girl | sign | e-mail

life gets way too overwhelming when i tackle all the big things, like what am i going to do and where am i going to live in a few months, or who am i going to marry and when will the big day be, and will my family be happy with my decisions and will my parents be proud, will i be successful, will i be happy, really happy, will i? -- these are real thoughts, real concerns, and not necessarily bad, but when they are so far off in the future and many of them beyond my immediate control, they are best left tucked away in my head.

so this weekend i practiced focusing on littler things, like spending time with old friends and new friends, working on long overdue projects, restocking the fridge and bathroom cabinet, cleaning organizing and cleaning some more, and simply letting spring...spring.

on saturday afternoon, i sat on a wicker stool i'd dragged out of the dining room and onto our bare balcony floor. my flip-flopped feet rested on the wall and my almost-finished copy of Microserfs and tattered dragonfly journal sat on my lap. the sun was shining, the wind was blowing, and my mind was relaxing. i wrote barely a word. i read not even a page. i just sat there, soaking the moment in and staring out at the possibility.

shmuel called me inspiring, but he's just as inspiring, if you ask me. i guess great minds do think alike.

hearing the next door neighbors fight -- he is always shouting and she is always crying -- is worse than hearing them have sex.

deepleap finally launched! i can't make any further comment, because i've yet to try it -- my Poor Little Mac can't handle much, plus i think i read that it's not working yet for macs on netscape 4.0 (i know, it's embarrassing, now shut up) -- but i'm sure it rocks, because the deepleap kids rock.

"weird things happen. mostly good things."

the nights, though, are still cold.