saturday i will smile, again. big and repeatedly and in front of a hundred people. i will step into a navy blue satin gown, wrap my neck in pearls and put my hair up. i'll stand up straight and suck my stomach in and walk down the aisle arm-in-arm with some guy i don't know. i will smile, blindly, and try to look, inconspicuously, for my mom and dad and anyone else i know in the crowd, as i walk, step-pause step-pause step-pause, to the altar where the bride and groom will be. i'll stand beside melissa and do what maids of honor do -- hold her bouquet when she can't, fix her train before she walks, hand her a kleenex if she starts to cry.

i'm a pro at this, i told the wedding coordinator tonight.

"you've done this before?" she asked.

"oh yeah," i said, "tons of times. just last july, i was maid of honor in her wedding, that girl over there, the blonde."

yeah, i've done this before, i thought. plenty of times. and i haven't managed to trip down that aisle, yet.